Sep 23, 2009 I Amelia Crater

Birdman Calls in Crow Conspirators to Close Airport

So it's come to this. Poor, deluded Gautam Saptoka--the so-called Birdman of Hetauda. Although he has what is apparently a unique ability to imitate the calls of 151 different birds (and one kind of monkey), he still can't get no respect from the human species. Time to call in his crow conspirators.

According to India's Deccan Chronicle, the 27 year old "Crow Talker" "...gave a three month ultimatum to the government of Nepal asking them to help him get his name registered with the Guinness Book of World Records, after a previous attempt at recognition failed for lack of cash.

'If the government does not listen to my request, I will gather thousands of crows from all over the Kathmandu valley at the Tribhuwan International Airport , the only international airport of Nepal and bring the air services to a halt. This would indeed cause a chaos,' Mr Sapkota warned."


Yes, Mr. Saptoka, it's true that last year you "make sounds like crows," and hundreds of "surprised" spectators watched as "thousands of crows" flew to the Tundikhel Open Ground in Kathmandu where the you "made two way conversation" with them."

That's all very interesting, Mr. Birdman of Hetauda, but perhaps before you call in your black-feathered friends, you should ask yourself if you're not just another tool in the arsenal these historically brainy birds are building to end human tyranny and elevate their own species to the top of the pecking order.

What threat do a bunch of birds pose big people like us who have guns not to mention fingers to pull the trigger?  First allow me to remind you that same mistake has been made before and documented by that great naturalist Alfred Hitchcock. But back in the '60s, they were limited to smashing glass and pecking eyes out.  They've apparently become a lot smarter since then, and sneakier as reported in the troubling post "Crows Causing Fire" by Hiroyoshi Higuchi of the Biodiversity Science Lab at the University of  Tokyo (be sure to check out the pictures):

Conflicts between crows and humans are on the increase in urban areas like Tokyo. Problems include the crows dispersing rubbish, attacking people , placing stones on railway lines and stealing soap. Here I report on another serious crow behavior: candle carrying and storage with subsequent field fires.

At Fushimiinari-Taisha shrine in Kyoto, western Honshu, Japan, it is known that crows have been
stealing candles.  The crow cut through the candle with its beak, severing the string and enabling it to pull the candle away. When the crow left with the candle, it was still alight. The crows showed no fear of the flame. Then, the crows carried the candle into the forest and hid it in debris on the forest floor. No clear evidence could be obtained on how field fires were occurring, but we can speculate about the possibility of the candle still being alight when hidden by crows and so igniting the material used to cover it."

So my advice to Mr Sapkota is to forget the world records.  Sure they might help you close down an airport today, but can you give them what they want in return? World domination? If not, be afraid: when crows get mad, they stay mad.

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