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Believe! ESP Assistance for Santa’s Elves

“You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things…”
At 9:16 a.m., 11/28/09, I began to write this post with the words, “If there was ever a time to be psychic it’s when you’re trying to read the minds of all the people expecting a holiday present from you.”

I was about to launch into some suggestions for boosting your psychic ability when just at that moment (actually, at 9:17) my phone buzzed with the arrival of a text message, which revealed itself to be the line from the Beatles “Hard Day’s Night” quoted above.

How cool is that?  OK, your first thought may be more like, “How random? Who gets song lyrics as text messages?” Well, I do since signing up for SyncTXT, a service for your cell phone that I was coincidentally–or, actually, synchronistically–just going to write about.

SyncTXT  was developed by Psyleron—an outgrowth of the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research (PEAR) laboratory. The technology behind the application measures the effects of human intention on a random event generator (REG), and then sends messages “whenever statistically significant deviations in the data are detected.”

“While going about daily life, the user will typically receive messages between 1 and 7 times per day. Messages are timed and selected based on the REG output. The message may seem to be entirely random, or may occur at extremely meaningful and relevant times (a “synchronicity”) that have a profound impact on the user. The ratio of “relevant” to “irrelevant” messages seems to depend heavily on a number of factors such as intention, state of mind, and experience with the system.”

The service costs $6.49 per month, but you can try it out free for a week and maybe start off by writing yourself  some personal alerts that will help get your Christmas shopping successfully wrapped up. Or, if you select the Beatles-lyric message set as I did, perhaps you’ll be helpfully reminded that “All you need is love,” or “Money can’t buy you love” before you max out your credit card.
Of course, if you still have $189.00 USD, you might what to invest in another Psyleron invention, the Mind Lamp, “the world’s first lamp that changes color with the power of your mind.

“To produce digital output, the REG uses a quantum phenomenon called electron tunneling, which is measured as a randomly fluctuating current across a potential barrier in an electric circuit. Surprisingly, and in a way that violates conventional theories in science, the PEAR researchers found statistically significant correlations between the output of the device and human intention in a variety of well-controlled experiments. The mechanism by which this occurs is unknown, and is the subject of ongoing research.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_gbstNboOA[/youtube]
Who knows? Maybe the Mind Lamp can shed some multi-colored light on what the people on  your list really wants to find under the tree.
If the current economy has left you too broke for a cell phone much less an electron tunneling lamp,  you can find a free ESP Detector here at The Daily Grail.

Of course such gadgetry may seem a little contrived for such a magical season.  And, since you’re trying to get in good with Santa, whose origins have always been a bit vague, your best bet might be to get yourself a chip off the old crystal of  E.T. communication, Moldavite:

“About 20 million years ago a meteorite shower fell in the Moldau Valley of Czechoslovakia. The result of this shower was moldavite, a rare crystal of a bottle-green, translucent hue. Although some people believe that it is a true meteorite (formed in outer space), it is more generally believed that it originates from rock that was struck by a meteorite and melted. According to the latter belief, moldavite combines extraterrestrial and terrestrial properties. It is generally considered to be one of the stones very important for this particular phase of human evolution. Many people feel that at this time there are countless souls who are not originally from Planet Earth, but from the Pleiades, Sirius, Orion, and other systems.”

It’s worked some personal magic for this dude and this lady, so it could very well work for you, too. Or, on the off chance that you still fail to find the perfect gift, maybe the moldavite can still help by putting out a call occupants of interplanetary spacecraft and booking you passage on the next saucer headed for a galaxy far, far away.

Of course, you could just hope for an old-fashioned Miracle of 34th Street: Macy’s is still open late at that location for your Christmas shopping convenience.