Each week MU‘s UFO traffic report lists a dozen or so close encounters of the first, second and even third kind. Yet despite the decades of such frequent fraternizations between various extraterrestrial visitors and humans, no progress has been made in developing a meaningful relationship between our world and theirs.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean we need diplomatic protocols in order to live in harmony with ET. According to a poll published this week in the Telegraph.co.uk, one in five adults believe aliens are already on earth disguised as humans.

The poll questioned 23,000 adults in 22 countries and found:

• 40 percent of people from India and China believe that alien life exists with a human facade on this planet.

• In Europe, eight percent of people from Belgium, Sweden and the Netherlands were convinced that life from outer space exists on earth.

• 22 percent of men believed in extra-terrestrial life compared to 17 per cent of women.

• Most of those who do believe in aliens were under 35, but they came from all incomes and classes.

Even some scientists agree with the hypothesis that aliens live among us. Although, you know, they don’t say they look like us. These are scientific-sized ET, like bacteria, and therefore less gross to dissect the lab.

And yes there are some such as Intangible Materialism’s Bruce Duensing whose hopes of personally witnessing first contact have been so dashed by too close association with other Close Encounter seekers he’s a tad disillusioned with the entire alien agenda:

“Ufology is receding deeper into the dim dark ages…with the proliferation of cults, pseudo-celebrities layered atop intentional deception, misdirection and manipulation, five second attention spans, a largely illiterate public, superstition, fear and paranoia. This is the grist of the American Empire in denial, full of self comforting illusions, third rate time killing trivia and cults of personality, grown fat and diseased with their own torpor, self inflated myths, intellectual laziness and love of cheap gimmicks. Time to get as far as I can from the maddening crowd. I need to dunk my head under a bucket of cold water.”

Unfortunately, none of the above is useful in the least for facilitating a proper First Contact encounter that would result in one big happy galactic family. Until now that is. Thanks to Ian over at 3gnmedia, who produced this very useful poster/primer –suitable for framing or magneting to the refrigerator door– on how to get it right if you’re the first (next?) person on Earth to meet a space brother.

For example:

• Don’t fidget, “Hold still, be deliberate and react cautiously.”;

• “Bring your own pen.” (They probably won’t speak English. You will have to draw them a picture.);

• “Don’t make Earth look dumb by not knowing the diameter of a frigging circle.”;

And once they’ve gone:

• “Don’t hold out until you talk to the president. There are lots of interested parties who will absolutely screw you.”

Oh, and btw, it probably won’t end well.

• The Bad News: “You’ll probably be killed.” (Not by the aliens, however.)

• The Good News: “You’ll be the most important human on Earth.” (At least until…see The Bad News).

Nonetheless, if you follow this advice, you’ll die knowing that you accomplished something that no other human has done –you’ll have made the Full Disclosure movement obsolete– and for that act alone, a grateful galaxy will pay homage to your memory (at least until the alien invaders turn the rest of us into their zombie slaves).