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Red Pills of the Week — November 24th

Greetings, fellow Coppertops! This week’s journey to the dark corridors of the underworld will show many revelations, and deepen a few other mysteries. We’ll learn of the disappearance of islands and the appearance of hairy creatures in United Kingdom. We’ll vent our frustration for celebrating Xmas the wrong way by tearing apart store mannequins that are spying on us. And as we wait expectantly for the news of an allegedly groundbreaking discovery on Mars –hoping we don’t get disappointed– we also await the conclusion of a controversial analysis of Bigfoot DNA. Now we’re all set to go, but we just have to wait for the rest of the crew who went filling all those turkeys with red pills –you can tell which households had those turkeys: they were the ones who stayed home during Black Friday.

(10) Our first pill of the week is bit of an oldie, yet with if we blow off the dust it’s still good to swallow: Brian Cox, one of the most popular Science popularizers todate because of his good looks & charming smile –although maybe his name has something to do with it– was banned from searching for intelligent life on a newly discovered planet, because his BBC bosses were afraid of upsetting the aliens:

Speaking on the BBC Radio 6 Music breakfast show on Wednesday, Prof Cox said: “The BBC actually said ‘You can’t do that. We need to go through the regulations and health and safety and everything in case we discover a signal from an alien civilisation’.

“[I said], you mean we would discover the first hint that there is other intelligent life in the universe beyond Earth, live on air, and you’re worried about the health and safety of it?”

Frankly, I think the Beeb should be more concerned of the way they have portrayed aliens throughout the decades thanks to Dr. Who –maybe the aliens will feel so offended they might want to EXTERMINATE US, although hopefully with something a bit more menacing than a rubber plunger.

(9) But it seems the BBC’s concerns might not be mutual with the aliens, in light of a recent video taken on Melbourne using night vision. The videographer was so excited he titled the video  ‘UFO – ”’SKY ARMADA” Fleet – Yes, ”’SKY ARMADA”’ – Daylight IR – Australia. 11.11.2012′, adding in the Youtube comments that it was “[o]ne of the most amazing sights I have ever recorded. Objects not visible to naked eye.”


Military aircraft in formation, or a truly anomalous phenomenon? You be the judge.

(8) If the aliens are hiding in our own planet, where would they keep their base of operations? How about in an island that doesn’t officially exist in any map? Why that could be the case of the legendary Friendship island, which has been mentioned a couple of times by our esteemed podcasters Ben & Aaron,  the exact opposite was mentioned on the news this week: Sandy island, a geographical feature in the South Pacific that was even included in Google maps, was shown by a group of Australian scientists to be a complete fabrication –unless those Aussies are members of the Friendship community, and this is part of their M.O. to seize valuable property.

What I like about this story is not the Google was shown to be wrong, but that it reminded me of the legends of vanishing islands, like the mythical Hy-Brasil close to the coasts of Ireland. Could it be that sometimes the lands of other parallel realms can have a temporal existence in our own world.

(7)  Sandy Island wasn’t the only oceanic mystery which was allegedly solved this week. Seasoned students of Forteana are sure to have come across the infamous ‘Bloop’ during their journeys —‘Bloop’is also a personal favorite of our friend Micah Hanks, as can be found in his essay The OFFICIAL Gralien Report TOP TEN SCARIEST MONSTERS:

 In the summer of 1997, the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) managed to record a bizarre series of underwater sounds with an array of deep-sea moored hydrophones, formerly used for tracking Soviet submarines. “Bloop” is the name given to one particular ultra-low frequency underwater sound detected by NOAA, the source of which remains unknown. Scientists and marine biologists who have studied the noise report that it “matches the audio profile of a living creature,” although no animal on Earth exists that could have produced the sound. Due to the unique frequency of the recorded “Bloop”, scientists claim the creature emitting the noise “would have to be several times the size of the largest known animal on Earth, the Blue Whale.” Even stranger, the estimated coordinates from which the noise emanated (50 degrees South by 100 degrees West) marks a point furthest from most land masses in the South Pacific Ocean. This coincides almost perfectly with the location of the sunken city of R’lyeh in H.P. Lovecraft’s story The Call of Cthulhu, in which a monstrous alien is revived from beneath the Pacific depths at this same location. The frightening results of NOAA’s research leave us to ask, “was Lovecraft right?”

Alas, it seems that the answer to the Bloop riddle involved something far more ordinary and mundane that cephalopoid Elder Gods. According to scientists in the Pacific Marine Environmental Laboratory –who are obviously not big fans of Lovecraft– the sound is the result of ice-quakes produced when big-ass icebergs crack and fracture.

Then again, the thought large masses of ice breaking apart –possibly due to global warming– still contains some serious apocalyptic overtones IMO.

(6) The whole Bloop myth started because the American Navy wanted to spy on the Russkies. But as y’all fine citizens of the XXIst century know, spying has taken a far more pervasive nature in our lives. Each year we’re being forced to relent more and more of our privacy, be that willingly or unwillingly, in pursuit of an unattainable –and rather illusory– sense of safety.

The latest of these Orwellian trends? store mannequins with cameras installed inside their heads to keep a peering eye on the shoppers, and are even enabled with facial recognition software. Which clearly proves that the 1987 film Mannequin was financed by the NWO, and Kim Cattrall is a Monarch puppet of the Illuminati!


‘Nothing’s gonna stop usmy ass, you evil Reptilian bastards! The Red Pill Brigade is on to you.

(5) Spying mannequins –even if they are as fine-looking as Kim Cattrall- are not nearly as creepy as the notion of non-human entities invading the privacy of your very home. For years the notion of the so-called alien abduction has been widely publicized in book format, as well as being the subject of countless TV shows or documentaries; yet when it comes to motion pictures, the record s rather spotty as best –let’s face it, The 4th Kind & even Fire in the Sky both sucked donkey balls when it comes to accurately showing the reality behind the abduction experience.

But now comes another film, from the creators of Paranormal Activity –strike #1– titled Dark Skies, which is actually the very same title  of the NBC TV series produced by Bryce Zavel, co-author with Rich Dolan of the book A.D. After Disclosure –strike #2.


The fact that these PA producers seem to enjoy copy/pasting shit they found scary from other movies or shows –piles of things found in the kitchen? Poltergeist. Bashing of head against window? Taken— makes me want to give Dark Skies a strike #3 already. Clearly the filmmakers are aiming to make their movie as scary as possible; and let’s face it: there’s A LOT of really creepy things to be found in the abduction mythos –the 1st time I read Strieber’s Communion, I had to sleep with my night lamp turned on for 6 whole months! And I was already in High-school!!

But I’m still willing to give Dark Skies the benefit of the doubt. If nothing else, because it might show how quickly the social relations of experiencers start to erode once word gets out of their anomalous elements invading their lives.

(4) Yet another creepy news comes from the British isles, a place so civilized one would never expect to hear tales of giant hairy beings walking about and giving a scare to passersby. And yet that’s exactly what’s being reported in the traditional town of Royal Tunbridge Wells, where residents have had terrifying encounters with an 8-foot-tall Bigfoot-like creature sporting menacing glowing red eyes to boot.

Sightings of this menacing entity go back a long time in fact, further supporting the theories of researchers like our friend Nick Redfern, who dismisses the notion that such creatures are nothing more than flesh-and-bone animals.

(3) Some Cryptozoology aficionados interpret Bigfoot as the Biblical Cain, condemned to wander through the Earth for all time, for the sin of killing his brother Abel. Speaking of biblical interpretations, the Catholic Pope Benedict XVI caused quite a stir among believers and non-believers, when some passages of his soon-to-be-published book were publicized by the global media. In his book about the infancy of Jesus, the pope claims that basically we’ve been celebrating Xmas ass-backwards: Jesus wasn’t born in the year 0, but probably 7 years earlier; that the star of Bethlehem was probably a super-nova, and that there weren’t animals in the stable where the Son of God was brought into this world, countering the traditional iconography many devout Catholics have used to adorn their homes during the December festivities.

I don’t have a problem with the J-man being born way earlier than what was traditionally considered because I already knew that. In fact, I think Bennie should have been even more honest, and remind his flock that the date of December 25th was *ehem* borrowed from earlier pagan celebrations. But calling the star of Bethlehem a super-nova? I’m sorry your Holiness but I’ve read the apocryphal gospels, and that thing was a freaking flying saucer, k??

Also, my mom is not planning on including a donkey & an ox in my parents’ Nativity set anytime soon. And with the new 3d printing technologies that are becoming more ubiquitous, I will someday have the opportunity to photobomb the birth of our Lord & Savior –Hey, it’s not like I haven’t done it BEFORE. Buy me a drink on Paradigm Symposium, and I’ll tell you of the time I played the part of the devil in my High-School’s theatrical representation of the Nativity…

(2) Another possible explanation proposed for the astronomical feature that guided the 3 Wise Men of the Orient to Bethlehem is a planetary alignment. One particular planet has been the subject of a whole avalanche of cyber-rumors, caused by the teasing of the Curiosity’s mission team hinting that they have found something ‘for the history books’. Now just exactly what THAT could actually be is still anybody’s guess. Some hopeful souls are elated at the prospect that Curiosity has actually found signs of biological material on the Red Planet, while some cynics think it might be yet another conclusive indication that Mars had water once upon a time.

And there are of course those trickery trolls who couldn’t resist the temptation of joining the Martian rumor with the recent news of Hostess’s bankrupcy, to conclude that Curiosity found twinkies on Mars –hey maybe not twinkies, but how about a few Ho-Hoaglands? although I know those are not that popular, for reasons we should refrain to enumerate…

So, because of the fact that I’m old enough to remember the Segway hype–people were describing the invention in such an overblown way, many of us began to think Dean Kamen had finally brought us our long-awaited hoverboards!– and because I know nerds love to abuse of hyperbole, is that I refrained from giving the Curiosity rumor the 1st place among the Red Pills of this week.

Prove me wrong, NASA. I double-dare you.

(1) Then again, when it comes to over-blown hype and frustrating expectations, nothing takes the cake like the infamous DNA Ketchum study. For the last 5 years Melba Ketchum has been teasing about the results of the supposed analysis of Bigfoot DNA on her Facebook page –because peer-reviewed journals is so Myspace– but now the recent announcement of her colleague Dr. Igor  Burtsev –using the same social platform– has seemingly forced her hand into issuing an official press release. Here’s a little excerpt from it:

DALLAS, Nov. 24–A team of scientists can verify that their 5-year long DNA study, currently under peer-review, confirms the existence of a novel hominin hybrid species, commonly called “Bigfoot” or “Sasquatch,” living in North America. Researchers’ extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago as a hybrid cross of modern Homo sapiens with an unknown primate species.

The fact that Sasquatch is some sort of hybrid between an unknown primate species and modern humans is pretty fascinating. Maybe too fascinating.

As a Fortean I hate the phrase “extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence,” because it’s often abused by people who have a rather ordinary sense of what true skepticism really is. And yet in this case with the Ketchum affair I’m afraid that I have no choice but to invoke it myself. The fact of the matter is that Bigfoot is such a controversial part of our modern culture, that nothing short –no pun intended– of a dead body or a live specimen will be able to convince the debunkers and the Scientific community at large. Even Burtsev himself admitted that throughout the decades there has always been reticence to publish papers involving unknown hominids; and yet he fails to realize there’s a reason why the reticence prevails: BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE A BODY YET.

Either you go all Jerry Maguire on me, or GTFO.

Until next time, this is RPJ jacking out. I don’t understand it: if all that Thanksgiving dinner is an illusion created by the Matrix, then why are the Nebuchadnezzar’s sensors showing an excess in weight after the crew returned from their mission?


Miguel Romero a.k.a. Red Pill Junkie is a cartoonist and fortean blogger who writes at Mysterious Universe
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