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Red Pills of the Week — January 12th

Greetings, fellow Coppertops! Our mission this week will be a journey across space & time, revealing wonderful discoveries & dirty secrets. We’ll encounter swing moods in Mars & mutants at war, killer asteroids &  raging talking heads. And as we travel to the mysterious places of our planet where planes & boats disappear without a trace, we’ll plunge deep into the abyss in search of the astounding creatures inhabiting the dark corners of the world. Time to free our minds, friends!

(10) The first step in freeing our minds is realizing our proper place in the larger scheme of things. Astronomers have become quite adept in reminding us just how insignificant our ‘pale blue dot’ that we call home is when compared to the size of the Milky Way. Based on observations of another solar system called Kepler-32, a team at Caltech has managed to calculate that our galaxy contains at least 100 billion planets –that’s more stars in the Milky Way than neurons in the average human brain.

“Kepler has enabled us to look up at the sky and know that there are more planets out there than stars we can see.” says Caltech postdoc Jonathan Swift.

This calculation has also determined that at least 1 in 6 stars possesses an Earth-size planet orbiting it. Alas, those rocky planets would be far too close to their parent sun in order for life (as we know it) to develop. But the scientists are confident that Kepler’s data will keep refining & more exo-planets will keep on adding to their lists.

So even though our alien friends keep on with their shady tactics & open contact won’t happen in this century, we can conclude with confidence that at least one true paradigm shift –the discovery of an alien Earth– will happen within our lifetimes.

(9) With so many possible destinations for future interstellar missions, it would seem that our species will never run out of places to explore if we become a true space-faring civilization. It’s only a matter of building a decent Warp-drive engine, and off we go! Right?

Faaaaaaaake Spaaaaaaaceeeeeeee

Wrong. Given the discouraging results of the European Space Agency’s (ESA) fake mission to Mars, it seems that our species is simply not cut out for such long & isolated journeys. The six-man crew who endured a period of 17 months –what would take for a quick round trip to Mars– in a small wooden cabin meant to simulate a space capsule –because apparently ESA is planning to give the capsule-design contract to IKEA– suffered all kinds of mental problems & sleep irregularities. Some of the men spent all day snoozing & 1 suffered from severe sleep deprivation –I hope it wasn’t the guy in charge of opening the capsule’s airlock!

Throughout the mission, the men endured daily medical, physical and psychological examinations, to help space agencies learn how humans cope with the stress, confinement and limited company that astronauts will face on future voyages. The crew fought boredom by watching DVDs, reading books and playing Guitar Hero on a games console. Mission controllers faked a fire and a power outage to keep them alert.

Ah! there you have it –who could stand playing the same videogame for 17 damn months?? Memo to NASA: If you want the Right Stuff to remain excited by the mission, they’ll need a full subscription to Xbox LIVE during the full trip –trust me, a 20 minute lag is nothing compared to the Internet speed we have to put up with here in Mexico…

(8) Or maybe what we really need is astronauts capable of living without sleep, and resistant to the onslaught of cosmic rays they’ll be bombarded with inside their craft. In other words, what we need is MUTANTS.

Delusional you say? tell that to Patrick Lin, a researcher from the California Polytechnic State University, who along with some colleagues wrote a report for the Greenwall Foundation –a Bioethics research think-tank– about the risks & consequences of enabling the soldiers of the future with ‘enhanced capabilities’ –read ‘mutant powers’.

“With military enhancements and other technologies, the genie’s already out of the bottle: the benefits are too irresistible, and the military-industrial complex still has too much momentum,” Lin says in an e-mail. “The best we can do now is to help develop policies in advance to prepare for these new technologies, not post hoc or after the fact (as we’re seeing with drones and cyberweapons).”

I surely hope that by ‘policies’ they don’t actually mean… this!


Are you in favor or against the ‘mutinizing‘ of the military? share your thoughts on the comment section.

(7) In the several versions of the popular Castle Wolfenstein videogame, Nazi scientists develop terrifying mutant soldiers & other mad experiments in order to defeat the Allied forces. Though fortunately for all freedom-loving nations the scenario in the games is completely fictional, a recent news seems to merge fantasy & fact and shows just how far advance some German researchers were when compared to the rest of the world.

Newly discovered papers reveal how Hermann Goering, the head of the Luftwaffe, commissioned an Austrian engineer by the name of Eugen Saenger with the task of building a supersonic space plane capable of dropping a radioactive dirty bomb in New York city. Sanger named the plane Silverbird & produced a 900-page report, detailing many technical ideas that would be retaken decades later for the development of the space shuttle. The futuristic plane would have been capable of reaching 13,000 miles per hour & fly 80 miles above the Earth, but fortunately the plan was eventually cancelled.

This story ran by mainstream media might not be all that shocking to readers familiar with Joseph Farrell, who has investigated in great length some aspects of German scientific development which has been conveniently overlooked or ignored by orthodox historians. Farrell’s website, where you can learn more of his books, is Giza Death Star.

(6) Speaking about Deathstars, in a previous installment of the Red Pills we mentioned an online petition asking the Obama administration to launch a plan to build an operational imperial space battlestation, as a plan to revitalize the US economy, in the most eccentric –and geekiest!– way possible.

The petition reached the 25,000 signatures required to elicit an official response from the White House. And their response, as penned by Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, showed that our nerdy brethren have successfully infiltrated all aspects of the system better than any Rebel spy:

Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.
This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For
By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA’s Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo — and soon, crew — to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.

Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.

We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country’s future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.

If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Ok so no Death Star, but what about an AT-AT? Surely that could be fitted into this year’s budget, right?


(5) So the White House might not show much interest in trying to build weapons straight out of Sci-Fi movies, but that certainly has never been the Pentagon’s mentality! As an example, just look at this weird UFO-like airship intended for stealthily delivering cargo to combat zones. Named the Pelican –maybe to please hardcore Halo fans– this 230-foot-long prototype hybrid between a blimp & a conventional airplane is capable of lifting 10 tons of equipment and/or personnel using a fraction of the fuel a regular plane would need.

Aeroscraft, the company developing the airship, has plans to build an even bigger 450-foot-long version, capable of transporting 66 tons of cargo. Impressive, but not as impressive as the giant boomerang-shaped objects that were witnessed in the state of New York in the late 80’s.

(4) The Pentagon is fond of spending resources & braincells into trying to envision the battlefields of the future. But what about a threat that’s literally outside of this world? Nope, I’m not talking about Space Invaders, but Asteroids –which was IMO a better Atari game anyway– and the so-called Doomsday Apophis, which for some time was considered a threat to all life on this planet when it makes a close flyby in the year 2036.


The infamous rock made a preemptive visit this week, which allowed astronomers a chance to study its size & composition. The bad news: Apophis is bigger & heavier than we had previously expected. The good news: A collision with our planet has been ‘effectively ruled out.’

I still think we should reconsider the plan of building a Death Star. After all, Apophis or Alderaan, there are a lot of things we can blow up in outer space, just to be on the safe!

(3) You know what’s a bigger threat than big rocks in space? big mouths in TV. Alex Jones, the undisputed king of alternative media & the leader of the Conspiracy crowd, had no difficulty in presenting himself as a raging lunatic in front of the cameras during an episode of CNN’s Piers. The host of the show, Piers Morgan, has been very vocal in his support to ban automatic assault rifles, which elicited a harsh response from Jones & his support group, in the form of a We The People petition to deport him, calling him a ‘red coat’ & spewing vitriol in front of millions of TV viewers.



Morgan’s counter-attack was rather effective: asking Jones about his views on 9/11, he effectively manage to portray him as a deranged individual. He could have also ask him about the blood rituals of the Illuminati, but I guess he run out of time.

Nevertheless I’m sure that Jones’ loyal fans viewed this dialectic exchange as a victory for their hero. And therein lies the problem with the Fortean community: the fact that the people who shout the loudest are the ones who manage to capture the attention of the cameras, and gather the biggest audience for their spiel. Likewise, the ‘celebrities’ are forced to become even more extremist in their viewpoints in a vicious cycle.

A cycle that keeps us spinning without going nowhere.

(2) To my knowledge, Jones has never pronounced himself about topics like the Bermuda triangle, which is a pity, since I’m sure he would manage to somehow blame the disappearances of planes & ships in this infamous geographic zone to the Bilderbergs & the Illuminati —Trilateral commission, people! It all makes sense!

Well, it turns out that there are many strange places in our planet where people disappear without a trace, spawning all kinds of legends & hearsay. One of this places is the Los Roques archipelago, off the coast of Venezuela, where on Friday 4th of this month the Italian fashion mogul Vittorio Missoni disappeared, along with the other 6 passengers aboard his small airplane.

The Los Roques archipelago in Venezuela

For years numerous mundane explanations have been proposed to explain the disappearances in these accursed locations. But given the strange nature of some of the reports given by those lucky few who managed to escape from these areas –strange colored clouds, magnetic distortions, etc– and the fact that even with all our modern technology planes keep disappearing, perhaps we should consider more alternative explanations –geomagnetic anomalies or temporal distortions, for instance.

(1) The sea has always elicited a visceral fear among those brave souls who dare to navigate through its waters. Perhaps the most natural reaction is the expectancy of terrible creatures hidden deep inside the murky depths, ready to attack any passing vessel. Hence all the legends of the Kraken & sea serpents, which were always regarded as pure fantasy by the people who chose to keep their feet dry and on the ground.

Yet as we here at Mysterious Universe know full well, all legends have a kernel of truth, and the tales of sea monsters are no different. Stories about giant squids are no longer laughed at by orthodox science, because of all the carcasses of these molluscs found ashore on the beaches of several countries. The goal was however, to try to observe the humongous cephalopods alive in their natural habitat, something that had always remained the wet dream of many marine biologists… until now.

Thanks to the perseverance of a group of Japanese biologists, the mythical beast –a 3-meter long specimen, which would have reached a length of 8 meters if it possessed its 2 larger tentacles– has been filmed for the first time. Now we all know what it feels like to be inside the Nautilus.


This footage, the stuff of fantasy –or nightmares– reminds us that there’s yet much to explore & discover in this wonderful world we inhabit. But in the meantime I feel a bit hungry –calamary anyone?

Until next time, this is RPJ jacking out, reminding you there are many doors waiting to be opened, if only we have the courage to find the keys.


Miguel Romero a.k.a. Red Pill Junkie is a cartoonist and fortean blogger who writes at Mysterious Universe
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