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Resist Sir, Resist! When Crazed Nudists Attack

It is well know that the late President John F. Kennedy had held a particular affinity for Alan Seeger’s poem “I Have A Rendezvous With Death,” which seemed to eerily foretell of his untimely demise at the hands of Lee Harvey Oswald… or some contingent of the mafia, communists, the KGB, or perhaps some bizarre plot that involved a combination of all of these, paired with a second gunman who had been hiding out on the Grassy Knoll.

But when a man appeared on Wednesday afternoon claiming he had a rendezvous with President Barack Obama, White House Secret Service staff merely told him that he required an ID card; little did they know that this man would soon have an unwelcome rendezvous with nakedness.

Visibly disturbed by what the agents had told him, the man initially walked away, and out of view of Secret Service personnel on hand, he began to disrobe, appearing again just as he was relieving himself of a pair of gray boxer shorts.

“Sir, what are you doing?” the agents shouted with both confusion and disgust.

“I told you,” the naked man repeated, raising his voice. “I have a 3 PM appointment with Mr. Obama.”

This simply couldn’t end well. Secret Service agents rushed the man, of course, pinning him to the ground and shouting “Resist sir, Resist!” (Why they would be shouting for him to “resist” remains unclear… had they hoped he would resist the primal urge to strip naked and attempt to bypass White House security? Who knows…). Ariel Cohen of The Daily Caller noted that within minutes, firetrucks had arrived on the scene, and the incident had developed into full-blown panic as security officials pinned the naked man to the ground.

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Sadly, this was not the only story of naturists-gone-mad that would appear in the news by week’s end. Elsewhere, a SoCal woman was being accosted by a naked man who attempted to jump on a car before he attacked her, attempting to drag her off to his man-cave of sociopathic idiocy… or something like that.

The second incident occurred at the Garden Grove intersection near Magnolia Street and Westminster Avenue, Los Angeles. Bystanders managed to intercept the naked warrior, performing a proper citizen’s arrest until law enforcement officials arrived, placing the man into custody. He was purportedly hospitalized “on a mental health hold,” according to police. Video of the bizarre incident can be seen here.

This trend toward nakedness and insanity is nothing new, unfortunately. Back in 2011, I reported on High Strangeness that began occurring in May of that year, which garnered attention from sites that included Coast to Coast AM, in an article titled, “High Strangeness Indeed: More Madness Abroad.” Among the reports had been beheadings, people going nuts on airplanes, and yes, strange and sudden bouts of nudity. Excerpted from the article is the following passage that illustrates just the sort of nefarious naturist activity we’re seeing in the news today:

Consider the scads of reports of spontaneous nudity cropping up from all over the place, such as this: Harlan Porter, an elementary school teacher in Georgia, claimed he reached a “spiritual epiphany” where his third eye had opened, prompting him to desire for “everyone to be free.” He removed his clothing at around 3:20 PM on April 22, while still in the school where he taught, and began strolling the halls in the nude. He was subsequently arrested in the teacher’s lounge, and arresting officers found he had been diagnosed schizophrenic nearly two months beforehand. Porter was also a practicing vegan with interests in spirituality.

What is it about the month of May that causes people to want to shed their clothes as sudden, inexplicable madness ensues? Your guess is as good as mine, but to-date, I have yet to have seen any explanations offered as to what causes people suffering from mental disturbance (and possible severe agitation resulting from excessively warm temperatures) to disrobe and attack their fellow citizens. Any thoughts? Send them along via email, or via the comments section below.


Micah Hanks is a writer, podcaster, and researcher whose interests cover a variety of subjects. His areas of focus include history, science, philosophy, current events, cultural studies, technology, unexplained phenomena, and ways the future of humankind may be influenced by science and innovation in the coming decades. In addition to writing, Micah hosts the Middle Theory and Gralien Report podcasts.
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