Apr 08, 2015 I Paul Seaburn

Aliens Are Either Ten Feet Tall or Microscopic

When it comes to informing us about how much food we should have on hand when aliens finally come over for dinner, cosmologists are doing a terrible job. One recently announced that he has further proof they are microscopic and already here while another predicted that they are a polar bear-sized ten feet tall and weigh upwards of 650 pounds (300 kg). Which one is right?

The microscopic theory comes from Dr. Milton Wainwright, the controversial Sheffield University professor who in 2013 claimed that microorganisms collected by balloons from the stratosphere 25 miles above the earth’s surface were not from this planet. Those claims were met with heavy skepticism by the scientific community and so is his new paper in the Journal of Cosmology, the contents of which were leaked by a student, where he says the impact the microbes made in the balloons shows they came from space, not Earth, and they tested positive for DNA.

These organisms are biological, have a definite structure and are not related to organisms on Earth.

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An alien microorganism found by Dr. Milton Wainwright

This week, University of Barcelona cosmologist Dr. Fergus Simpson released his own paper explaining his research using a mathematical model which predicts that the average weight of intelligent extraterrestrials is 650 pounds or more. Simpson’s theory starts with the premise that smaller creatures on Earth outnumber larger ones because they use less energy. Conversely, there are fewer large creatures because they live longer and need more energy. Thus, to be smart enough and live long enough to travel from another galaxy to Earth, aliens would have to be enormous, or at least as big as polar bears. Which means we need to stock a lot of food for the alien dinner party, according to Simpson.

As a result, we should expect humans to be physically smaller than most other advanced species.

Are either of these guys right or even close? Simpson’s formula does not take into account things like the force of gravity, evolution or the fact that polar bears on Earth are bigger but not smarter (as far as we can tell) than we are. On the other hand, it’s accepted that there is bacterial life in the stratosphere but it’s most likely from earth, and Wainwright's balloon and DNA analysis haven’t proven it’s not … yet.

Giants, microbes or a size that can fit in the basket of a child’s bicycle – how big do you think aliens are?

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Maybe we should get more candy

Paul Seaburn

Paul Seaburn is the editor at Mysterious Universe and its most prolific writer. He’s written for TV shows such as "The Tonight Show", "Politically Incorrect" and an award-winning children’s program. He's been published in “The New York Times" and "Huffington Post” and has co-authored numerous collections of trivia, puzzles and humor. His “What in the World!” podcast is a fun look at the latest weird and paranormal news, strange sports stories and odd trivia. Paul likes to add a bit of humor to each MU post he crafts. After all, the mysterious doesn't always have to be serious.

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