If you think Texans are quaking in their cowboy boots over the alleged conspiracy theories surrounding the upcoming Jade Helm operation, wait until they hear about a real invasion by real killers: giant redheaded poisonous centipedes and tiny French killer wasps.
Actually, we already know how they react to the giant redheaded centipedes – they panic. The Texas Wildlife and Parks agency recently posted a picture of a Scolopendra heros and pointed out that they are a little known native species that can already be found in Texas.
The picture and the terror went viral as Texans learned it can reach 8 inches in length and has up to 23 pairs of legs that it uses to hold on to its prey while it bites down and injects a venom than can kill rats and large lizards and make humans extremely sick with muscle tissue damage, kidney failure and heart attacks.
Living up to its “Don’t Mess With Texas” motto, stores in the Lone Star State reported increased sales in extra-large-sized, thick-soled, anti-centipede cowboy boots.
A boot won’t save Texans from the French killer wasps that are the size of a pinhead. Speaking of pinheads, these Arundo wasps are not exactly invading – they’re being brought in from Montpellier, France, by Texas Governor Greg Abbott to kill Carrizo cane, a bamboo-like reed brought from Mediterranean countries (the first REAL invader in this story) that grows wild along the Texas-Mexico border and allows the invader Texas politicians really fear – undocumented immigrants – to hide from border agents. The Arundo wasps are believed to feed exclusively on Carrizo cane and will gorge until it’s gone and then die like good little mercenaries.
So, the Texas governor is bringing in an invasive species to kill an invasive species in order to stop people he believes are invading his state. What could possibly go wrong?
This sounds like a chain reaction that will put the Jade Helm conspiracy theories to shame. Why can’t they get along with nature and Mexico and leave everyone and everything alone? Oh, I forgot … this is Texas.