Opening of World’s Longest Tunnel is Mysteriously Bizarre

Goat-Man was there … need any more be said?

The opening ceremony of the Gotthard Base Tunnel – the world’s longest and most expensive tunnel in history – was attended by Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany, President Francois Hollande of France, Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi … and a Goat-Man. Not to mention a flying baby with a giant head, ghosts, marchers carrying animal skulls and enough other bizarrely dressed actors and strange floats to give conspiracy theorists fearing Satanic and/or New World Order takeovers enough to talk about for years. What was going on?

The Gotthard Base Tunnel through the Swiss Alps took 17 years and over 11 billion Euros ($12.5 billion US) to build and was intended to improve transportation as well as be a symbol of European unification. The opening ceremony was created by German director Volker Hesse, a traditional theater director who was recently in charge of the William Tell Theatre Festival and is not known to be a member of the Illuminati or any satanic cult.

However, his tunnel opening ceremony production (which cost $9 million and used 600 performers) would have made Michael Jackson jealous and probably had many cult leaders sending him employment applications. While each of the individual performances had a real world connection to the building of the tunnel, it would have taken a program the thickness of a phone book to explain them.

Goat-Man appeared numerous times throughout the ceremony. He was supposed to symbolize the Alpine ibex (Capra ibex), a wild goat with massive horns that lives in the mountains above the tunnel.

The flying baby with the giant head was played by a topless woman and was said to honor workers who died during the construction.

While the workers wore construction uniforms, a truckload of actors representing tunnel users were dressed in their underwear, occasionally groped each other and appeared to be simulating sex. Perhaps they represented what will happen when the tunnel is used by driverless cars?

No one offered any explanation for the guy with a giant bird nest on his head.

And no matter how you spin it, a Goat-Man following women dressed in white veils will have occultists throwing rice and humming the Wedding March.

What were Volker Hesse and the organizers of the tunnel opening thinking? Perhaps they were trying to preemptively top the opening ceremony for the Summer Olympics to be held in Rio. Perhaps this is the future of entertainment and we’ll all be wearing bird nest hats next year. Perhaps rumors of a New World Order run by Satanists are true. Perhaps the tunnel is the opening to hell.

What do you think the Gotthard Base Tunnel opening ceremony actually meant?