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Centralia College Offers New Course on Paleolithic Bigfoot Art

What exactly is it about Bigfoot that captures the human imagination worldwide? Is there truly a race of ape-men inhabiting remote locations around the globe? Is Bigfoot an example of memories of Neanderthals embedded deeply in the human collective consciousness? Or could Bigfoot merely be a projection of our innate desire to return our more animalistic past long before the advent of selfies and hashtags?

Life was so simple before pants.

Life was so simple before pants.

Whatever leads to our fascination with the hairy ape-man, it seems to be on the rise. Bigfoot has stayed in the headlines lately, from causing car accidents to spurring legislation aimed at curbing government spending. Now Bigfoot’s going to college: a new continuing education course offered by Washington State’s Centralia College is bringing the study of Bigfoot into the world of higher education.

Maybe Sasquatch can make one of those next Playboy co-ed calendars now.

Maybe Sasquatch can make one of those next Playboy co-ed calendars now.

The two-hour ‘course’ (lecture?) is titled “The Old Ones, the First Americans” and is taught by Bigfoot researcher and archaeologist Mitchel Townsend. According to the course description, the course “focuses on Native American oral and archeological history that recorded a culture of people they encountered as they migrated down the Bering Sea Land Bridge over 15,000 years ago.” Part of that migration presumably includes encounters with Bigfoot, which prehistoric peoples then documented on rock art Townsend claims he has collected at undisclosed western Washington locations. Sounds legit.

Yeah, I guess there's a resemblance if you squint hard enough and sniffed glue this morning.

Yeah… I guess there’s a resemblance if you squint hard enough and sniffed glue this morning.

Townsend made somewhat controversial headlines in 2015 when he claimed to have collected samples of animal bones which sported teeth marks far too large to belong to any known indigenous carnivores. While that claim remained unsubstantiated, Townsend’s latest Bigfoot course attempts to bridge the legitimate study of Paleolithic cultures with less-legitimate but no-less-prolific Bigfoot legends. According to Townsend, there are numerous irrefutable examples of Bigfoot found in prehistoric rock art and tools throughout North America:

To this day our research stands intact. Not one scientist has been able to refute our conclusions in any category. The integrated and mutually supporting nature of the evidence and analysis is clear, repeatable and microscopically impossible to fake or hoax.

Townsend’s research attempts to straddle the line between the paranormal and the scientific, with varying degrees of success. According to the “About the Author” section of his latest book on Amazon, Townsend stands alone in the world of Bigfoot research:

His most recent archaeological discoveries include the only Bigfoot Pictographs ever recovered. Mitchel Townsend is perhaps the world’s foremost authority upon Bigfoot related research and science. His research results are without peer and speak for themselves.

If Townsend’s research truly is without “peer,” why hasn’t he collected that million dollar Bigfoot bounty yet? Probably because he painted those dumb rocks himself, that’s why. Stay frosty, Bigfoot.