Aug 27, 2017 I Brett Tingley

Macabre Mystery as Lantern Carrying Human Remains Lands in Family’s Yard

One Washington family got a macabre surprise this week after an unidentified flying object landed in their yard. Well, briefly unidentified anyway. Steven O'Neel and his family were at their Hillyard, Washington home Tuesday, August 22nd when they saw an odd shape float down in front of their house. Thinking it was merely a paper bag - the tumbleweed of suburbia - O’Neel went outside to recover the object whereupon he discovered it was actually a Chinese lantern. That’s when it gets weird.

O'Neel and the lantern

O’Neel discovered the lantern contained an inscription on the inside reading "Su, as the moon and sun become one, your spirit is one with them. Love you, Mad Dog." Accompanying the message was a small bag containing white ashes that look conspicuously like cremated human remains.

Just a pinch of Su is all you need to give this one a nice mysterious flavor.

O'Neel told local news station KHQ6 that he believes this was someone’s way of scattering a loved one’s ashes, and that he hopes local news coverage will help reunite the ashes with whoever clearly didn’t want to keep them in the first place:

I felt like we need to figure out where they need to go, who sent them off. They don't need to be landing in the middle of Hillyard. They probably want them in a beautiful place.

If you released Su’s ashes into the sky inside a Chinese lantern, let KHQ6 know so they can help return the ashes. And next time, just do something banal pour them into the sea or something. Somebody could have snorted those ashes.

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Mad Dog's out there somewhere.

Remember, kids: those helium balloons and Chinese lanterns eventually come down, where they’ll likely be eaten by a sea turtle. Spoiler alert: this kills the turtle.

Brett Tingley

Brett Tingley is a writer and musician living in the ancient Appalachian mountains.

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