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Unexplained Cat Disappearances Baffle English Village

Residents of the quaint rural village of Burpham are growing increasingly worried about a string of disappearances that have plagued the local cat population. Six feline companions have gone missing over the last year without a trace, leaving villagers despondent and anxious about what might be behind the disappearances.

Burpham residents Victoria Holland (left) and Lucy Brett hold the despondent Gordon, twin brother of missing cat Gus.

Burpham residents Victoria Holland (left) and Lucy Brett hold the despondent Gordon, twin brother of missing cat Gus.

Burpham resident Lucy Brett hasn’t seen her cat Gus since July, and says Gus’s twin brother Gordon has grown increasingly forlorn over his brother’s disappearance. Speaking to the Little Hampton Gazette, Brett says she wonders if some deranged individual could be behind the mysterious vanishings:

You think about all the horrible things that could have happened to them, getting poisoned or caught in traps. Is it some mad bird person trying to stop cats?

Specially trained cat-sniffing dogs (yes, those are apparently a real thing) were brought in to try to locate some of the missing animals, but found nothing. Each of the missing cats was microchipped prior to their disappearance and none are “pedigree” breeds, meaning they likely weren’t stolen for sale on the pedigree cat black market. Yes, that’s a real thing, too. Don’t ask me how I know.

Cat shows are a real thing too.

Cat shows are somehow also a real thing.

These unexplained disappearances are the most recent in a string of cat-related mysteries and oddities in the United Kingdom. Reports of huge, unidentified feline creatures have been pouring in from throughout the Scottish highlands and English moors over the last year with increasing regularity. Many farmers have even discovered horribly mutilated sheep corpses, lending some evidence to the long-standing theories that big mystery cats might prowl the English countryside hunting their unfortunate domesticated prey.

The sighting sounds eerily familiar to other sightings of large black cats.

Sightings of anomalous large cats have been reported in the U.K. for decades.

Could these elusive big cats have developed a taste for their more diminutive feline brethren? Could we have had it wrong all along? Maybe it’s not a dog eat dog world, but a cat eat cat world. Let’s hope not for Gus’s and Gordon’s sake.