Feb 14, 2018 I Brett Tingley

‘Mysterious Snake’ Reportedly Breaks Into Nigerian Vault and Steals Millions

In what sounds like some sort of black magic heist, Nigerian news outlets are reporting that a large snake broke into a vault and slithered away with millions of Nigerian Naira in its belly. Is this a convenient distraction from what could be merely a case of white collar crime, or has something supernatural gone down?

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And why is it always snakes?

This curious caper began when an auditing team was sent to inventory the vault of Nigeria’s Joints Admissions and Matriculation Board, or JAMB, an administrative agency which registers applications for university candidates. JAMB sells scratch cards with candidates’ online services login credentials as part of their registration process. The audit revealed that 36 million Nigerian Naira ($99,700 USD) was missing from the vault. According to Africanews.com, a clerk at the office confessed that her housemaid and a coworker used some sort of holy (or maybe unholy) powers to “spiritually” steal the money using a large snake.

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That's a lotta Naira.

The Nigerian Voice writes that the clerk, Philomina Chieshe, confessed in a formal statement that her maid used a “mysterious snake” to break into the vault, swallow the money, and assumedly return home to its human beastmasters with the cash:

I became worried and surprised how the millions of Naira could be disappearing from the vault. I began to interrogate everybody in the house and office, and no one could agree on what might have happened to the money. I continued to press until my housemaid confessed. She said that the money disappeared “spiritually”. She said that a “mysterious snake” sneaked into the house and swallowed the money in the vault.

But then, uh, how do they get the money out of the snake? Yuck. Of course, no physical or photographic evidence of the snake exists, though, so there’s that. Is this a lame attempt to blame some sort of graft or embezzlement on the supernatural? How long will the snake story hold up under scrutiny? For now, this one is a mystery. Me, I'm going with the "snake" is really just the clerk’s handbag.

Brett Tingley

Brett Tingley is a writer and musician living in the ancient Appalachian mountains.

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