Given the chance, most of us would try to be ghost hunters. We can all admit that the idea of kicking down the door to a haunted house, shotgun in one hand, bible in the other, ready to go toe-to-toe with whatever evil phantasm lurks behind the plywood-sealed doors is pretty cool. Maybe you’re wearing a long duster, maybe you have a holy necklace passed down through the generations. Maybe your grandfather gave you the necklace on your thirteenth birthday and said “When the time comes, you’ll know what to do.” Or maybe, like 33-year-old Anthony Parker of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, you’ve got a pry-bar and a Crown Royal bag filled with shotgun shells.
According to the Citizen’s Voice, Mr. Parker was arrested in the early morning of Wednesday June, 27 for breaking into the infamous and allegedly haunted “Welles house” in Wilkes-Barre. Police were called to the scene by a witness who reported someone prying the plywood off the back door of the haunted house. When they arrived, the police found Parker with a 24 inch sword on his back, bladed brass knuckles and a pocket knife in his pocket, the hilarious-yet-useful Crown Royal bag of shells, and a bible. Parker denied that he had a shotgun on him, but police found a pistol-gripped shotgun stashed behind the Welles house. When questioned about his motives for the attempted break-in, Anthony Parker said he was there “to look for ghosts.”
If any haunted house warranted bringing an arsenal and pretending to be John Constantine, the Welles house fits the bill. The house garnered the nickname “Pennsylvania’s Amityville Horror” In the 1970’s, and apparently lived up to the name. Built in 1860 by Augusts C. Laning, the property at 49 South Welles st has been the subject of many alleged hauntings and paranormal events: spots of blood appearing on walls, mysterious scratches showing up on residents’ arms, a tin box discovered bricked up in the basement containing human molars and chicken bones in the shape of a cross. In the 1800’s a man walking by the house allegedly dropped dead, which may have been a heart attack, but any heart attack in front of a haunted house is a spooky heart attack.
Anthony Parker, the amateur ghost hunter in the most literal sense, was charged with defiant trespassing, possessing instruments of a crime, weapons possession, possessing an offensive weapon and prowling at night time. His bail is set at $25,000.
You’ve got to give him credit. Most would-be ghost hunters might take a camera, maybe a talisman of some sort if they’re really serious, never even considering they might get into a shooting war with the ghosts. Not Anthony Parker, he was armed to the teeth and ready for war from beyond the grave. Of course most, if not all of his weapons would be absolutely useless against incorporeal entities. Next time, Anthony, bring a magic sword.