Jul 04, 2018 I Brett Tingley

Something Stinks About the Mysterious ‘Brown Rain’ in Canada

Weird things falling from the sky are a never-ending source of fodder for those of us who cover the higher mysteries - er, perhaps lower mysteries in the case of what’s been falling from the sky in Canada. Over the last month, at least ten separate incidents of what appears and smells to be feces falling out of the sky have been reported in British Columbia alone, leaving residents terrified and smelly.  In all, Transport Canada has received 18 separate reports of this mysterious and malodorous falling substance.

The first incident occurred on June 4th when Sue Allan and her son were driving in the beautiful British Columbia spring weather with the sunroof open (of course). As they stopped at a red light, a veritable shower of feces fell directly on top of their car, covering both of the car’s occupants. "We were inundated with poop," Allan told an interviewer following the incident. "You could feel drops falling from the sky — hitting our face, inside the car, all over the windshield." The pair were alerted to the presence of a passing aircraft overhead by a fellow driver, leading to speculation that the feces fell from a malfunctioning airliner’s bathroom. However, no airlines in the area reported any malfunctions. Allan reported getting conjunctivitis - pink eye - in both eyes following the splatter.

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It's a pretty crappy situation all around.

Another similar incident occurred in Saskatchewan Province, in which a family’s backyard barbecue was ruined by a splattering of brown droplets that in no way went with the chicken and asparagus they were grilling. Kristl Tipton and her two children were minding their own feces-free business on Tuesday, June 5th when the last thing you want falling out of the sky onto you did exactly that. Oddly, it seemed to only affect their deck and nothing else, Tipton told the CBC:

It was droplets that came from straight up, there was no spatter pattern that indicated the direction it came from other than straight from the sky. It was just so mysterious to us, how it happened, how it was localized to that one spot.

Tipton also added that "we smelled it and it smelled like poo,” and that “it was pretty gross.” Who knew? Farther north in Canada’s Northwest Territories, a similar thing happened to the Smith family as they and their home were splattered with a mysterious black liquid. "It was like somebody's septic tank burst," says Linda Smith. "It was really bad."

While aircraft lavatories have been the go-to theory for what’s dropping this black rain all across western Canada, Transport Canada asserts that whatever is falling on these people is most certainly not airplane lavatory waste. After reviewing local radar data, eyewitness reports, and interviewing local air traffic controllers, Canada’s transportation authority says something else is to blame."The department's review has concluded that these incidents do not meet the description of blue ice and are therefore not aviation related," a Transport Canada statement reads.

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A chunk of typical "blue ice" which gets its name from the disinfectant used in airplane lavatories.

Furthermore, given the frequency and geographic distribution of these events, that would mean there would have to be a whole lot of planes with similarly malfunctioning lavatories flying around. After investigating, Transport Canada maintains that none of the 18 incidents is aviation-related, leading the initial victim Sue Allan to think there might be more to the story than is being admitted.  “I believe that this is a cover-up by the government,” she told Motherboard. Covering up what exactly, though?

One theory for this unexplained brown rain is that the feces of migrating Canadian geese could be falling on these unsuspecting Canadians after having been carried hundreds of miles by high-altitude winds and the jet stream. Most scientists aren’t buying that, arguing that there is no precedent for such a phenomenon and that the descriptions of this mystery substance do not sound or smell like bird excrement.

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Those geese are up to something, I just know it.

While it’s hard to believe that this phenomenon is not aviation-related, the fact that Transport Canada is assuring everyone that airliners aren’t involved might imply there is more clandestine air traffic overhead than we know about. But why the frequency of reports over residential areas? This one is weird. What could be causing this mysterious brown rain in Canada?

Brett Tingley

Brett Tingley is a writer and musician living in the ancient Appalachian mountains.

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