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U.S. Forest Service Issues Statement on Sasquatch Warning

SASQUATCH WARNING: Due to the increasing flows in the Yaak River, sasquatches are coming down from the high country to feed on fish and vegetation at the river’s edge.

The world’s favorite large-footed cryptid strikes again. Or, at least a group of hoaxsters working on his behalf have. A poster resembling a boilerplate U.S. Forest Service announcement went viral this week, alarming hikers in the area of Missoula in northwestern Montana and generally bewildering the more gullible among us. You know the ones. The poster, quoted above, warns campers not to be alarmed in the event of a ‘Squatch encounter and to take or not take the following actions:

Do not run from Sasquatch

Do not chase Sasquatch

Do not yell at Sasquatch

Do not feed Sasquatch

Do go about your business

DO TAKE PHOTOS!

However, despite those warnings, the poster states that the mostly-friendly Sasquatches will neither enter an occupied camp nor harm humans. Lastly, the poster instructs hikers and campers to report ‘Squatch sightings to the nearest ranger station in the Kootenai National Forest.

After the poster went viral, the U.S. Forest Service was forced to step in and issue a statement via Facebook informing Montanans that the poster was not in fact their doing:

The Sasquatch poster that is circulating around Facebook and other areas was not created by or coming from the U.S. Forest Service or the Kootenai National Forest.

This isn’t the first time that law enforcement has had to step in and comment on Sasquatch and Squatchers. Just last year, police departments in South Carolina were forced to issue a warning against hunters from shooting anything that resembles Bigfoot, as they’d most likely be shooting a “fun-loving and well-intentioned person, sweating in a gorilla costume.”

The Forest Service’s statement might disavow any responsibility in terms of the poster, yet it doesn’t comment on the existence of Sasquatch in the first place. Who knows what rangers have encountered deep in the woods of the Kootenai National Forest?

Probably a whole lot of meth heads and illegal cannabis farms. Stay frosty, Sasquatch.