Sure, everyone is concerned when unexplained cattle mutilations occur, and chicken killings always generate fears of chupacabras, but who cares if the animals mysteriously being murdered are rabbits? It turns out a lot of people do, at least in France where over 100 dead bunnies have been found recently and the sinister killer is rumored to be a mysterious man in a long overcoat and black hat. Is he a member of some bizarre cult? An alien who’s afraid of cows? A bettor who lost a bundle betting on the hare instead of the tortoise?
"It started this summer. A rabbit was gone. then we found a second one, dead in a funny way ... ."
Not “funny” in a ha-ha way either, according to Sylvie Corlouer, who Quest France reports is the owner of some of the early victims of the rabbit killer … and a possible witness. An autopsy showed that no cutting was involved in its demise. The probable cause of death was blunt force – possibly a foot. Sylvie’s other rabbit had just given birth and the babies died of neglect. When she reported the incidents to the police, she found out she was not the only victim … but so far, the only witness.
“I surprised him one morning around 9:30 a.m. but he had the time to make his escape.”
Most of the rabbit slaughtering occurred in the quaint village of Minihy-Tréguier in the Brittany region of northwestern France. The local gendarmerie report on Facebook that there have been 15 separate incidences of killings involving about 100 rabbits owned by 10 different individuals, many of them elderly citizens who just enjoy raising the animals as pets. The mayor, Jean-Yves Fenvarc'h, says his constituents are “gripped by fear," but none of them are chupacabra … yet.
“He (the killer) never touches the chickens or the geese.”
Could this be a deranged Elmer Fudd driven mad by Wagnerian operas? A tall, cross-dressing woman named Alice seeking revenge for the rabbit hole incident? Grace Slick upset that people still demand she sing that song? The police have no idea and are asking for anyone with information to come forward and warning those who have lost bunnies to keep on the lookout because the killer has returned to kill again – hitting one location four times to murder 20 rabbits.
Is there any other solution? Possibly.
“First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naught in My sight, shall snuff it."
As all Monty Python fans know, those are the instructions for using the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to kill the killer rabbit in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” Could it also be used against a rabbit killer? Would this then reveal the location of the Holy Grail?
Apologies to bunny owners and lovers. Let’s hope the mysterious murders in Minihy-Tréguier are solved soon.