Your honor, my client pleads ‘not guilty’ by reason of Chupacabra.
The “Chupacabra” defense may not be as absurd as is sounds if you live in Honduras, where a report has surfaced of a man found dead with his shoe off, a bite mark on his "calcañal" (heel) and no blood in his body. While his family would like to blame a human, especially a rich one they can sue for damages, there doesn’t appear to be a suspect. And if there was one, that bite mark and lack of blood would have any good lawyer calling a cryptozoologist as his first witness.
“The day laborer was found dead by his relatives and as they relate, he did not have a drop of blood.”
As reported by Tiempo and HCH Noticias (which show a photo of the area and one of a really fake Chupacabra), the incident occurred on February 13, 2019. The victim was a day laborer or peasant working outdoors in El Naranjo de Siguatepeque, a village high in the Central Mountains of Honduras. He had apparently sat down on a stone to rest and took off his shoes. Those who found his body also found a hole in the ground that they suspect was where the Chupacabra or some other creature came from and attacked the man. No blood remained in his body and it’s assumed none was on the ground because who found him told the media that they suspected a blood-sucking Chupacabra.
Why didn’t they suspect aliens, like many across the central U.S. who find mutilated cattle and other livestock with strange wounds, no blood and no clear evidence of what might have killed them? Well, Chupacabras are part of Honduran legends and have been blamed for many similar livestock deaths, including at least 35 in 2017 in the Monterrey village of Choloma in northwest Honduras, where a young boy witnessed a “white and ugly animal” in a pasture where later some mutilated livestock were found. In April 2018, 30 more cattle killings occurred in a village near Choluteca. Unfortunately, these and many other crimes go unresolved in a country that is short on police, especially honest ones. When even the police blame events like these on Chupacabras, locals wonder if it’s just a convenient excuse for laziness, especially when officials warn people not to get drunk and fall asleep in the street … you could become a victim of a Chupacabra.
Or some sicko murderer. Which brings us back to the poor day laborer in El Naranjo de Siguatepeque. His body was found at night, so it appears it was in the same spot for hours. There’s no report of any other wounds by whatever might have killed him or scavengers. There should either be blood on the ground or in the body, although most likely congealed by then. Vampires? The Hondurans would rather believe in Chupacabras. A sicko murderer with a lawyer skilled in the Chupacabra defense? Stranger things have happened.
Let’s just hope that whatever it is, it hasn’t made a permanent move from animals to humans.