“Don’t Leave Earth…Without It”
That’s the come-on by the St. Lawrence Insurance Company of Altamonte Springs, Florida, which is selling an alien abduction insurance policy to anyone who is worried about being kidnapped by extraterrestrials or is actually thinking about a trip on a flying saucer … with aliens, of course. Will it cover cows?
“Our policy is not so much about the money. It’s peace of mind.”
And if you believe that, they probably have some canal-front property on Mars they’ll sell you if your abductors are taking you to the Red Planet. According to the Miami Herald, the St. Lawrence Insurance Company has sold about 6,000 alien abduction policies offering $10 million worth of coverage for the low, low, one-time price of $19.95. That includes a digital copy of the policy. If you’re afraid the aliens will destroy your computer or cloud your cloud storage, $24.95 gets you a printed policy.
What does $19.95 get you? Medical coverage with outpatient psychiatric care. And, if you become married, impregnated or eaten by the aliens, the coverage is doubled to $20 million. (Insert disbelieving scoff here.)
Did you just scoff? Owner Mike St. Lawrence points out that his company has been selling these policies since 1987 and made good on two different claims. In one, the man brought an alleged statement from someone at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology stating that he had a chip implanted in him of non-earthly origin. In the other, the policyholder brought a black Polaroid photo that he claimed was from the inside of the space ship. St. Lawrence says he paid on both claims. (Insert loud, incredulous scoff here.)
Did you just scoff again? You must have read the fine print on the alien abduction policy which states that in order to qualify for a payout:
“You have to come back (with the signature of an) authorized, on-board alien.”
In even finer print, it states that the payments to you or your beneficiaries are $1 per year for 10 million years. Is that really peace of mind or is St Lawrence in it for the money (about $120,000 so far, minus a few bucks to those two abductees)? If they’re paying attention to the competition, it’s the money. The Grip insurance company in London also sold a similar alien abduction policy and convinced 37,000 people or more to cough up £100 ($130). While you scoff, we’ll do the math for you … $4,810,000!
If you’re the type who scoffs at buying insurance on a rental car, spending money on alien abduction insurance is probably not appealing. On the other hand, if you’re a UFO investigator, a pilot or a paranormal writer always fearing the face looking back in the peephole will be wearing a black fedora, some sort of insurance would be nice. This tongue-in-check policy obviously isn’t it. Another company which in 1997 insured 4,000 alien worriers and the 39 members of the Heaven’s Gate suicide cult who believed an alien spaceship was coming for them with the Hale-Bopp comet for $1,000 per year still went bankrupt despite not paying any claims. Would Allstate consider a policy that would put customers in good alien-repellent hands?
Forget the gecko’s company. You KNOW which aliens he’s working with.
Was that a scoff?