Jul 19, 2019 I Paul Seaburn

Bob Lazar Weighs in on the Storm Area 51 Movement

If there’s anyone who understands why someone would want to “storm” Area 51, knows what they might or might not find and can knowledgeably warn of the dangers, it’s Bob Lazar – the man who claims he worked on reverse-engineering alien technology that the stormers (and many others) believe is still at Area 51. In an Instagram post responding to the “Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us” movement, he had this to say:

“The last time someone tried to get in to Area 51 he was shot.”

OK, Bob, but that was one person. We’re talking 1.4 million now, making it the second largest army in the world, if it was an army (it’s not, but you can bet that a number of them will be armed). The Air Force has already warned that Area 51 is one of its open training ranges, an asset of the United States, and “The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.” Would it be ready if it was the Indian Army (with slightly less forces) instead of the Area 51 stormers? No one thinks it will come to that, including Lazar. And even if it was half that number, the effort would be futile, because:

“This is a misguided idea. Area 51 is a classified research base. There are no aliens or alien technology located there. The only place there was ever any alien technology was at Site S4, south of Area 51 proper. That was 30 years ago. S4 may have moved decades ago or it’s possible it’s no longer being used for the project.”

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Thanks, Bob!

Will the fact that whatever (if anything) was going on there or at S4 satisfy the Area 51 stormers? Did it satisfy Bluto (John Belushi’s character in ‘Animal House’?

“What? Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! It ain't over now, 'cause when the goin' gets tough, the tough get goin'. Who's with me? Let's go! Come on!”

It’s pretty easy to imagine tens of thousands of UFO-loving Blutos rushing the gates of Area 51. Lazar admits that he likes that kind of enthusiasm.

“What is good, is the interest in the subject - the science and technology. That is what would immediately change the world we live in.”

Well then, Bob … where SHOULD they storm? The White House? President Trump has admitted he’s not really interested in UFOs. Congress? Good luck getting their attention these days. The Pentagon? Their security makes Area 51 look like it’s guarded by a mall cops. S4? That doesn’t have the X-Files cachet of Area 51 and Lazar says it probably doesn’t have the alien stuff either. How about the house of the guy who organized the movement in the first place? He’s already backed off, saying:

“P.S. Hello US government, this is a joke, and I do not actually intend to go ahead with this plan. I just thought it would be funny and get me some thumbsy uppies on the internet.”

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Joke? We don't joke.

Bluto would know what to do with wimps like that.

“What the f--k happened to the Delta (Area 51 Storm Troopers) I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. 'Ooh, we're afraid to go with you, Bluto, we might get in trouble.' Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...”

And that’s when the Stormers make like Bluto’s frat brother Otter and yell:

“Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight 'em with conventional weapons. That could take years and cost millions of lives. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part. We're just the guys to do it...LET'S DO IT!”

Bob Lazar says it’s time to change the world. The Stormers are organizing. September 20th is not far away. Who will be their Bluto and Otter?

What will be their really futile and stupid gesture?

Paul Seaburn

Paul Seaburn is the editor at Mysterious Universe and its most prolific writer. He’s written for TV shows such as "The Tonight Show", "Politically Incorrect" and an award-winning children’s program. He's been published in “The New York Times" and "Huffington Post” and has co-authored numerous collections of trivia, puzzles and humor. His “What in the World!” podcast is a fun look at the latest weird and paranormal news, strange sports stories and odd trivia. Paul likes to add a bit of humor to each MU post he crafts. After all, the mysterious doesn't always have to be serious.

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