One of the easiest ways to spot a liar is when they give up a whole bunch of unnecessary unprompted information, answering questions that no one asked. You can’t help but wonder if that’s what’s going on in the town of Bradford, Vermont, where an anonymously written flyer was posted in multiple locations around town, sternly telling the public that the local bridge closure is in absolutely no way caused by Bigfoot. This is despite the fact that there doesn’t seem to be anyone asserting that our favorite furry idiot had anything to do with the bridge closure. Until now, that is.
The flyer was posted to twitter by Dartmouth College Associate Professor Alexander Chee last week and since then more copies have sprung up around town.
At our local Vermont PO. pic.twitter.com/4GKAnXvoAe
— Alexander Chee (@alexanderchee) August 26, 2019
Bridge 22 in Bradford has been closed for over a year due to “failing deck panels, a flawed surface replacement, and a sluggish approval process,” according to officials. Bridges that have been busted for so many years that they turn into local landmarks are not uncommon in New England, and it doesn’t seem like anyone was too concerned by the bridge closure until the anonymous flyer turned up. Beginning with a rather aggressive “Attention!!!” the flyer states in a no-nonsense tone that the bridge closure “is due primarily to deck replacement and NOT because of a displacement or intrusion on a “Sasquatch” or Bigfoot, either a single creature or several.” The flyer then goes on to belittle and insult the very idea of such a thing, stating:
This is absolutely untrue and frankly, quite ludicrous. These rumors born of agitated imaginations are to be ignored and discarded. Thank you.
Methinks thou doth protest too much.
Even if there was no talk of Bigfoot ruing bridges before the flyer, there certainly is now and locals have mixed opinions on the matter. Claudia Johnston, a local resident, says:
“I think that there’s definitely a Bigfoot or a Sasquatch around here for sure.”
She says her certainty of a Bradford Bigfoot comes from having heard rustling behind her house once.
Another local resident, Nancy Hanger says:
“I don’t think it’s Sasquatch’s fault.”
So what’s the point of these flyers? Maybe there have been whisperings of Bigfoot at the local watering holes and this concerned citizen is sick of it. Maybe it’s someone trying to use the power of spectacle to get the bridge finally fixed. Maybe it’s Bigfoot himself, in true idiot fashion, trying to take attention away from himself that was never there in the first place. Who knows?
This comes shortly after a sort of opposite case in neighboring New Hampshire when a man wrote an op-ed stating that the recent string of car break-ins were not caused by bears, as had been reported, but by Bigfoot.
Vermont does have its share of Bigfoot sightings, and the dense forest of northern New England is the perfect place for tall, hairy, ape like creatures. In fact, that’s where I went to college.