Mysterious News Briefly — August 24, 2020
A new book reveals that the members of the infamous Lost Colony of Roanoke Island actually left with Croatoan natives, moved to Hatteras Island and assimilated into the culture, leaving behind generations of blue-eyed children. They probably tried to convince others this is what happened, but historians hate happy endings.
A team of University College London engineers achieved the world’s fastest Internet transmission speed of 178 terabits a second – a speed at which one could download the entire Netflix library in less than a second. Which may explain why some of them haven’t seen them since.
A video from England appears to show a herd of sheep standing motionless for hours. They finally moved, much to the disappointment of lazy insomniacs.
An invasive species of pencil-long Asian jumping earthworms are spreading in the Western New York area and destroying the protective fallen leaf cover in forest ecosystems. They actually jump into the air when disturbed, making them the favorites of heavy-footed early birds.
An artificial intelligence program went head-to-head against an experienced Air Force F-16 pilot in a simulated dogfight and won five straight times without the human pilot ever scoring a hit. If it simultaneously played chess with its other hand, it’s time we surrendered to our AI overlords.
NASA plans to switch to laser data transmissions to remote spacecraft, a system that is faster than radio but only works on cloudless days. Aliens monitoring Earth behavior probably got those large heads from facepalming.
Drive-through haunted houses are popping up around the U.S. to help Halloween fans get their frights while still social distancing. Coming next – nearby car washes replacing water with hand sanitizer.
Pest control experts in Ireland are warning coastal residents and tourists to beware of “extremely aggressive” seagulls stealing food and spreading E. coli bacteria. OK, 2020, we’ve filled up our bad news bingo card – it’s time to stop.