Mysterious News Briefly — August 27, 2020
A farmer in New York woke up to find a mysterious safe in a field with an attached note reading: “If you can open this, you can have what’s inside.” Handwriting analysts should have checked the note to see if it was written by the year 2020.
Captain James Tiberius Kirk, commanding officer of the starship USS Enterprise and the lifelong alter ego of actor William Shatner, addressed the new Space Force rankings with a question on Twitter: “I’m just a nobody here but I was wondering; is it true that the commanding officer onboard a ‘Space Force’ ship is designated a Colonel & not a Captain? Is this up for debate? I think I’d like to debate the issue.” It will only get worse when Space Force members see the red uniforms for away missions.
Eighty years after the flaming crash of the hydrogen-powered Hindenburg, a startup company has taken a giant step forward for hydrogen-powered airplanes with the invention of ‘safe’ Kevlar-coated, pill-shaped, hydrogen-filled fuel pods about 7 feet in length. Can they at least wait until 2020 is over to test them?
A mysterious lake whose temperature has reached a near-record 185 degrees Fahrenheit is forming in Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano. For locals unclear on the concept, Madame Pele, goddess of volcanoes and fire, says “Here’s your sign.”
The Warsaw Zoo has begun a test program to give its elephants medical marijuana as a natural way to reduce stress. Two questions: where do they get bongs that big and do stoned elephants prefer listening to the Animals or the Monkees?
A new study found that the number of older Americans who go to emergency rooms for breathing difficulties related to asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease increases on the day before a major thunderstorm. Move over, lawyers … the Weather Channel is about to start chasing ambulances.
Researchers now say the average global temperature 20,000 years ago during the Last Glacial Maximum — the most recent Ice Age – was 8 degrees Celsius (46 degrees Fahrenheit), compared with 14 degrees Celsius (52 degrees Fahrenheit) today. People with elongated skulls must have had massive ice cream headaches.
A team of scientists in England is calling for better treatment of lab mice after new research shows that happier mice make for better science. If PETA’s experience is any indicator, no one is going to listen to them unless they get naked first.