Mysterious News Briefly -- September 9, 2020
Astronomers dispel the myth that some of the stars we see in the night sky are already dead. Of course, if you’re the ‘wish upon a star’ type, they may be dead to you in 2020.
New reports say that mysterious Chinese reusable experimental spacecraft released an unknown object before landing back on Earth after a two-day mission. Meanwhile, in bizarro year 2020 in the U.S., Space Force gets a space horse.
The U.S. Air Force is using quadrupedal dog robots at Nellis Air Force Base for perimeter defense, remote inspection, surveillance, reconnaissance, mapping, communications and security. What’s left for humans … throwing metal balls for them to fetch?
A new report says that mice gene-edited to be absolutely ripped were sent to the International Space Station last year and kept their ripped physiques for an entire month without exercising. Rumor has it, when they left, the biggest one told the astronauts, “I’ll be back.”
Dentists say Americans’ teeth are breaking more often during the pandemic shutdown due to bad posture which causes teeth grinding at night. Your Zoom friends can’t see you slouching but your dentist knows the truth.
The Guardian used GPT-3, OpenAI’s language generator, to write an entire 500-word op-ed article that was concise, coherent and indistinguishable from something a human might pen. To be fair to human writers, OpenAI should add software that makes GPT-3 depressed over comments on social media.
Researchers confirm that the personalities of Americans are indeed reflective of where they live, with those residing in mountainous areas still having the “frontier mentality” from the 1800s. Did they take a personal survey or just deduce it from the residents yelling to “Get off my property!”?
Zambia's president joined students at Copperbelt University in mourning the death of their good-luck fish which they used before taking exams and whose demise has shut down the country’s second-biggest university. This must be real because it’s happening at the beginning of the school year, not right before mid-terms.
Contrary to the so-called standard model of cosmology, cosmologists have discovered that the universe is much thinner than it’s supposed to be. We either need a new model, a new ‘dark thing’ to explain the thinness, or a universal grandma to fatten it up.