Mysterious News Briefly — January 4, 2021
If your New Year’s resolution was to switch to organic meats instead of conventionally produced meats, new research shows both are responsible for the same amount of greenhouse gases. Don’t be surprised if the heads of cauliflower and cabbage in the produce section appear to be nodding.
Psychic and illusionist Uri Geller got vaccinated against CIOVID-19 while doing his famous spoon-bending trick. Out of habit, the doctor gave the spoon a splint.
Researchers at Finland’s University of Turku put 102 volunteers into MRI machines, played them various kinds of music, and were able to accurately predict whether the research subject was listening to happy or sad music. What we really need is a music player with the ability to predict if a song is going to be an ear worm and turn it off before it does.
Engineers at Ultra Light Rail Partners Trains in England are testing their ‘BioUltra’ railcar which will carry passengers with an engine powered by rotten food and human waste. Get ready for a new series called ‘Thomas the Stink Engine’.
For those worried about spreading viruses in the kitchen, the Korean firm LG has unveiled a voice-controlled refrigerator that opens upon command so you don’t have to touch the handle, and an illuminated window that allows you to see what’s inside first. Do you buy it or marry it?
Sir Paul McCartney says he talks to his late fellow Beatle George Harrison via an evergreen coniferous tree planted near his East Sussex home that was given to him by George shortly before he died in 2001. The squirrels living in the tree call Sir Paul ‘the cute nut’.
If you thought the mysterious monoliths would go away in 2021, think again – an eight-foot triangular metal tower appeared on New Year’s Day near Salisbury in Wiltshire. That clapping sound is local druids face-palming.
Zombie people, zombie insects and other zombie creatures were joined recently by zombie greenhouse gases — millions of tons of organic carbon and methane trapped for up to 18,000 years by frozen sediment on the bottom of the Arctic Ocean that is thawing out and releasing the zombie greenhouse gas into the atmosphere. Is this a zombie spew-pocalypse or a zombie phew-pocalypse?
Conservators at the National Library of Australia going through personal papers of Australian poet, author, and newspaper correspondent Andrew Barton “Banjo” Paterson found a slightly rusted tin of intact and uneaten Cadbury chocolate bars, still partially wrapped in their original foil and dated 1900, making the 120-year-old bars the oldest box of uneaten chocolates in the world. Hard to believe, since “uneaten chocolate” is an oxymoron.
Police in Pakistan arrested a man on New Year’s Eve who was riding through Peshawar on a motorcycle while dressed as a werewolf. They knew he wasn’t a real werewolf when the clock struck midnight and he turned into a gas station.