Mysterious News Briefly — May 4, 2021 (May the fourth be with you!)
A man claiming to be a time traveler from the year 2582 says US astronauts will find an exact clone of Earth – complete with humans — in our solar system on May 8, 2021 … and that he’d reveal his own hidden face on YouTube if he got 10,000 subscribers. Who knew we’d still be caring about social media in 2582?
NASA’s Parker Solar Probe passed just 517 miles above the surface of Venus on July 11, 2020, and data finally released from that mission shows it picked up mysterious radio signals … which unfortunately were traced to natural, low-frequency emissions indicating Parker was passing through the planet’s ionosphere. As always, Venus leaves its women disappointed while men continue to get excited by their Mars.
A new study found that Puerto Rico’s rhesus macaque populations on Cayo Santiago (Island of the Monkeys) increased the size of their social circles to deal with the stresses and scarcities caused by the disaster. 3-2-1 … that’s how long it took to most people to notice none of them were wearing masks either.
Two Florida scuba divers discovered a four-foot-long, 50-pound bone in the Peace River near Acadia that experts believe is from a Columbian mammoth which roamed Florida until 10,000 years ago. That’s apparently when the first humans in the area discovered mammoth jerky.
Russia’s space program revealed it plans to send lab mice and other animals to the Moon in 2025 on a new biosatellite called “Return-MKA-L.” “What could possibly go wrong?” asked Chernobyl.
Italian culture minister Dario Franceschini announced plans to restore a retractable wooden arena floor in Rome’s Colosseum, allowing tourists to view it as it once was when gladiators fought there. Let’s hope any recreations of the battles don’t get modernized into pay-per-view monster chariot rallies.
Zoologists now say that on the whole, animals – including humans – are not hardwired to avoid inbreeding and determined that cultural pressures may have forced scientists in the past to say the opposite. “We’re off the hook,” thought modern-day Neanderthals.
A Japanese firm is developing a handbag-like portable container so fish owners can take their pets for a walk without having to flush them when they return. They’ll be disappointed when they find out the dog park doesn’t have any dogfish or catfish to play with.
Researchers using coring technology, geophysical logging, and in-situ temperature measurements said a deep trench in the Romania section of the Black Sea is still responding to climate changes initiated at the end of the last Ice Age around 12,000 years ago. Fishermen are upset because now everyone knows where they hide their beer to keep it cold.
A group of experts from US and European space agencies performed a week-long simulation of an asteroid 35 million miles away approaching the Earth that could hit within six months and found they could do nothing to stop it from eventually crashing into Germany, the Czech Republic, and Austria with the force of a large nuclear bomb. This is what happens when Bruce Willis stops making inspirational asteroid-destroying action movies.