Mysterious News Briefly — May 12, 2021
The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) claims it has developed and successfully demonstrated an advanced AI-enabled model capable of detecting sarcasm in textual communications. Yeah, right.
During the Wells Fargo Championship golf tournament, Keith Mitchell was putting at the 17th hole when the TV audience noticed a huge fin large enough to be from a lake monster emerge from the water and then disappear again – Keith missed the putt but couldn’t take a lake monster mulligan because the director of the tournament said it was just a large catfish. Big deal – this happens all the time on miniature golf courses.
A woman in Maine thought her seven-month-old kitten was sick when its fur fell out, but a vet informed her that cat had a rare genetic mutation that made it a wolf-cat or Lykoi that makes them look amazingly like werewolves. Just to be on the safe side, she has a locked cage and a calendar with the full moons circled.
A 70-year-old man in Oregon got three entirely different infections from a single tick bite — anemia, thrombocytopenia (a low platelet count) and acute kidney injury, with liver damage as a possible fourth. Needless to say, don’t try to make conversation by telling him how much you enjoyed “The Tick.”
Italian researchers studying a history of plant extinctions determined that botanists seem to have an “aesthetic bias” – they prefer to study and save aesthetically pleasing plants while ignoring plain or ugly species that may be more endangered. Unfortunately, no matter how ugly you think it is, this won’t kill kale.
India’s Department of Telecommunications issued a statement on various social media platforms saying that the country’s second wave of COVID-19 was not caused by 5G mobile towers – followed by another pointing out that 5G testing won’t start for months. That means 5G doesn’t cause India’s bad political leaders either.
A 390-year-old book found buried in the collection at the Cambridge University Library was discovered to have a perfectly preserved butterfly specimen – a Small Tortoiseshell – that appears to be as old as the book itself. Talk about amazing – a law student actually had time to chase butterflies.
Move over, road rage … researchers in Texas found drivers can also suffer from something called “accelarousal” — an elevated stress response triggered by the frequent stopping and starting of simply driving around town, even at relatively slow speeds. Road rage is what the driver behind you gets.
The Russian space agency Roscosmos recently announced it’s abandoning the International Space Station but a strange follow-up revealed it’s still planning to send its Multipurpose Laboratory Module (MLM) to the ISS for installation and use by cosmonauts, replacing the leaking 20-year-old Zvezda module. Astronauts are being trained to inspect it for evidence of duct tape, spackling and chewing gum.
Conservation scientists want the U.S. to reintroduce jaguars (Panthera onca) – known at one time as “America’s Great Cat” into the mountains of the Southwest where they were hunted to extinction in the mid-20th century. What could possibly go … where’s Fluffy?