Mysterious News Briefly — June 11, 2021
Researchers in Maine were hoping to ease the inevitable final pain of about-to-be-boiled lobsters by sealing them in a box and filling it with marijuana vapors for up to an hour, but the obviously mellowed lobsters still showed evidence of pain when boiled. Watching them make their own joints gave a new meaning to “lobster roll.”
Beachgoers in Maine found their feet stained with a mysterious black substance that was difficult to wash off, and were later shocked when Department of Environmental Protection officials told them it was not oil sludge but the crushed remains of billions of tiny insects. Maine’s new motto: Sorry about the bug feet – have a stoned lobster on us.
Goodbye blowing into balloons at traffic stops – Japanese scientists modified a pair of commercial earmuffs to collect ethanol gas released through the skin of a person's ears and detect the amount of alcohol in their bloodstream. “I wasn’t drinking, officer … I was just listening to the champagne bubbles pop.”
In a recent study, researchers from Tokyo Medical and Dental University (TMDU) fed young rats a diet of soft food and found that the lack of chewing led to significant changes in the brainstem, which also controls many automatic activities such as breathing and swallowing. Giving up smoothies is going to be really hard to swallow.
After announcing El Salvador would accept bitcoin as legal currency, President Nayib Bukele instructed a state-owned geothermal electric company to begin using geothermal energy from the country’s volcanoes for mining for the cryptocurrency. If bitcoin crashes, El Salvador’s largest volcano will be forced to change its name to Mount St. Helena Handbasket.
Singer Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips is asking Elon Musk to help them be the first band to play a live concert on the International Space Station. The Rolling Stones would be a better choice, but the ISS doesn’t have enough handrails.
Ten McDonald’s restaurants in Chicago are testing a Siri-like voice assistant for taking orders, which could eventually replace the need for human drive-thru operators. They’re 85% accurate, but that may be because the McDonald’s voice assistants refuse to give directions to the nearest one with a working shake machine.
A 35,000-year-old cave bear skull found in Imanay Cave in Russia’s Ural Mountains has a mysterious small hole at the back of its head that looks like it was made with a spear, which would make this the earliest example of cave bears being hunted by humans. Another good sign would be footprints running away from the cave followed by bear tracks.
An ancient wooden road, one of the longest in Poland, was discovered by construction workers in Jaroslaw, which was a major trade center in the 16th and 17th centuries. It was a one-lane road, so they should look for signs of ancient road rage.
Researchers analyzing acoustic data collected by an underwater nuclear bomb detection array in the Indian Ocean heard a mysterious sound that was identified as coming from entirely new population of pygmy blue whales (Balaenoptera musculus brevicauda) – a shocking discovery since it’s hard for 79-foot whales to hide. The huge whales were probably saying, “No bombs here – just some ordinary boring fish. Nothing to see here … move along.”