Hundreds of Brits Claim They’ve Had Sex With Aliens

Are extraterrestrials selective about who on Earth they choose to have sex with? Not the usual ‘probing’ so often reported by abductees but close encounters of the twosome, threesome or moresome kind … that may or may not result in human-alien hybrids? If you’re British and this is on your bucket list, you may be in luck. A new poll found that hundreds of UK residents claim to have had sex with space aliens and identify the places it’s most likely to happen. In Buckingham Palace? Top of the Tower of London? Smack in the middle of Stonehenge?

“We were astonished to see how many people claim to have had intimate relations with aliens, particularly in the cities of Norwich and Bristol. There must be something about those spots which makes these experiences more common than in the rest of the UK.”

The recent survey was conducted by BuzzBingo.com (a bingo gambling site) and spokesperson David Abrams admitted to The Daily Star that they were astounded by the results. Nearly 300 people responding to the survey claimed to have had intimate (and, we assume, consensual) relations with an extraterrestrial. Of those, over 25% were from Norwich, which in another Buzzbingo.com survey was named the UFO capital of the UK, with 31% of the people living there claiming to have seen a UFO. Second in the ET sex survey was Bristol at 23%, with Liverpool coming in third at 22%. What (if the respondees are serious) is attracting ETs to these UK cities like guys on expense accounts to a Vegas strip club? What is causing ETs to fly in just to do the Norwich One Night Stand or the Bristol Stomp?

“It’s instinctive to fear the unknown but why shouldn’t aliens be friendly?”

Esteemed British ufologist Nick Pope points out that aliens could be friendly. Perhaps they’ve prepared for their Earth trip by reading some other recent polls which found that Americans have no plans made in the event of an ET encounter (other than be armed) while Brits say they’ll stock up on essentials and welcome them with a pot of tea and a freshly-baked cake. When receiving such a warm, open-armed greeting, it’s no wonder aliens would respond in kind by showing Earthlings what the “extra” in extraterrestrial really means.

“Maybe they really are out there and this is their way of communicating.”

David Abrams of Buzzbingo.com seems to be imagining space aliens as some sort of creatures who speak with their bodies rather than their mouths or minds. While that sounds like a sailor’s dream (and we know how those encounters with sirens and mermaids turned out) or the plot of a porn movie (when porn movies had plots), he may be on to something. Should NASA set up a special investigative committee to research this possibility? Or maybe it should just send a delegation to Norwich and Bristol?

Speaking of the alien sex recipients, are they telling the truth? Did they really have sex with ETs or are their subconscious desires manifesting into lucid dreams of close encounters of the ET kind?

Finally, the real question is: What would YOU do if an ET propositioned you?

Excuse me while on I put the kettle on.