From the “You Could Have given Us a LITTLE More Warning!” file comes the news that yet another TikTok time traveler has risen to the top of the heap by revealing what is going to happen in the future – in this case, as of this writing, August 11 or TODAY! According to @aesthetictimewarper, who says “I am here to help humanity, there is a lot you need to know...”, one of the things we needed to know a lot sooner is this:
“Tomorrow is the day. There will be a very large meteor shower that lasts for two weeks. It is visible in the northern hemisphere and will contain the Nozic message. One of the meteors will look different than all the others, because it is a spaceship landing on Earth starting preparations for the first Nozic War."
“Wait a minute!” you say, probably multiple times. “Could he be referring to the Perseid meteor shower going on right now?” Good observation – the annual event has begun. Why didn’t this time traveler refer to it by name? Your second “Wait a minute!” was probably due to the reference to the “Nozic War.” Another TikTok time traveler, @thatonetimetraveler, who claimed to be from the year 2485, warned in April that the Nirons are coming from Neptune in five years and a war with them will cause a pandemic called the “Nozic virus.” What did we do to tick off the residents of Neptune? Apparently, we haven’t done it yet – it appears the war will be started in the near future by something we say or do to the Nirons … not exactly a surprise.
“There is a lot more you need to know to help humanity.”
Who decided to shove this guy in a time machine with a to-do list from the future, and what makes them think we’ll listen to someone on TikTok instead of a world leader or a giant hologram or a guest on a cable talk show or a Kardahsian? And what ELSE do we need to know? Well, @aesthetictimewarper knows his (or her – why don’t we see any female time travelers?) audience – on an “Ask me anything” post, he says each dose of coronavirus vaccine “takes about 6 years off of your life and will cause you to be more susceptible to other illnesses.” He also reveals in other TikTok posts that Atlantis will be found in the year 2022, aliens infiltrate the world's governments in 2023, and colonization of Mars begins in 2028. Then there’s this one:
“8 humans will receive powers on October 20, 2021. There are 9 people who receive powers, but only 8 will survive to the next day. There is a misunderstanding causing the public to have the 9th person k*lled.”
“The powers will consist of Telepathy, telekinesis, pure strength, enhanced endurance, and talking to animals. But as you know, all good comes with bad, and some will reek havoc on Earth for power.”
“These are the names of the people who will receive the powers. North America: Emma Smioth, Jack Connor, and Luke Johnson. South America: Selena Castro. Europe: Alex Muller, Xander Martin. Asia: Saiko Zhang. Australia: Harvey Turner. Africa: Isaiah Cromedy.”
“Wait a minute!” you scream a few more times. Wouldn’t someone from 2714 know that it’s ‘wreak havoc’, not ‘reek havoc’? And why did he self-censor the word ‘killed’ – do they still have Internet censors in 2714? And doesn’t this prediction sound familiar? It definitely does – Javier (@unicosobreviviente – Spanish for “Only Survivor”), the TikTok time traveler who claims he’s stuck in 2027 with no one else around, made the same prediction two weeks ago, albeit without the names and details. Are the TikTok time travelers trying to outdo each other? For what end … TikTok views?
Are any of these real time travelers? That seems highly unlikely. Could they all be one person? If it is, it’s one very busy TikTok-er. It seems more likely this is a number of people stuck in 2021 with nothing better to do than attempt to hoax already nervous humans with dystopian predictions that they don’t have enough imagination to create themselves and are resorting to blatant plagiarisms. I hope @aesthetictimewarper apologizes to all of those people named when they don’t get superpowers on October 20th. Maybe they should threaten to ‘reek havoc’ on him (or her).
As for the alien invasion-in-a-meteor-shower on August 11, we won’t have long to wait to verify this ‘revelation’.
Have your “Wait a minute!” and “Told you so!” and "It's WREAK havoc!" screams ready.