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Is Nicolas Cage Really a Vampire?

The answer, of course, is no… well, probably not. For one thing he seems to be aging right before our eyes and for another he has never exhibited an inability to consume solid food, nor any signs of heliophobia for that matter. Nevertheless one e-Bay seller insists that he has unearthed a Civil War era photograph that proves that the ubiquitous actor was alive (or undead, as the case may be) way back in the 1870s.

The owner of the admittedly eerie photograph is an antiques dealer from Bristol, Tennessee, by the name of Jack Mord — which, in and of itself, sounds a bit creepy, like an old Mad Magazine spoof of Jack Lord that would come out around Halloween time. Regardless of his appellation, Mord claimed that he stumbled across the strange picture in back of an old photo album that was allegedly: “filled with an unusual number of Civil War death portraits.

A first Mord claimed that the fellow in the photo the only unidentified one of the bunch, but soon after he revealed that it was actually an antique memorial portrait of a Confederate prisoner named Lieutenant G.B. Smith and that the now notorious image was taken in 1864, at Johnson’s Island prison camp in Ohio by a clandestine Confederate photographer named Lieutenant Robert Smith — it is unclear if they were related or not.

Nevertheless, Mord still claims that he believes this to be a genuine photograph of the Academy Award winning (and potentially bloodsucking) superstar, which, no doubt, is why he is able to justify the exorbitant $1,000,000 asking price for the portrait. In Mord’s own words:

Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk show host.”

While the offers pouring in for this thought provoking pic were plentiful (he had received no less than 78 offers as of September 16th, 2011) as well as generous, Mord — for reasons he has refused to elaborate on — abruptly pulled the photo and closed down the auction. This has not, however, stopped him from speculating about Cage’s allegedly unholy origins:

My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor ‘Nicolas Cage’ will ‘die’…but in reality, the undead vampire ‘Nicolas Cage’ will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over. From time to time somebody might mention to him that he bears a slight resemblance to the young version of that dead American actor, whose name they can’t recall, but eventually, those occurrences will stop altogether.”

While there can be little doubt that the onetime “Vampire’s Kiss” star bears an uncanny resemblance to the ostensibly long dead Lieutenant G.B. Smith, one must ponder whether or not this is a case of vampiric longevity, uncanny doppelganger, unknown ancestor… or simple, ordinary coincidence.

Either way, Mord seems to be on the verge of making a quick buck and possibly… just possibly, mind you… incurring the wrath of one of America’s most prolific — and potentially deceased — movie actors.

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  • ya_right

    Nice photoshop job… The perspective, slight tilt of the head, and slight turn of the head don’t really match up with the “face”, though…

  • 123ABC

    Turtle Strangler

  • Michael Franklin

    Everybody is a photoshop desk’pert these days so… pictures (regardless of age or authenticity) will be held suspect. 

    Personally, I think the likeness is uncanny. 

  • Gene Romo

     Resemblance ,Yes, Doppelganger,No .As an amateur Artist just a glance tells me;The left side of the “Mr. Smith’s ” face looks similar to Mr. Cage’s, but like most of us, both sides of the face NOT being equal, the right side does not. Nor does the hair line,the Nose,or the ears. All points of reference when comparing faces.  Interesting no doubt.
        Loooooooooong tiiiime listener,BTW.  So glad you returned after the hiatis a few years back…:)

    Joisey Gene

  • Anonymous

    If the photograph is authentic and not a great work of Photoshopping, it’s obviously a case of mistaken identity.  They do say everybody has a look-alike, in fact many famous people in the past have actually hired individuals that look like themselves to take their place where they could be placing themselves in danger.  It’s cool to have photographic proof of this occurrence though.  I’m sure Nicholas finds it interesting as well.  With facial recognition software this occurrence will be much more common in the future.  That’s why fingerprint identification is still so much better.  Before this picture is purchased by anyone at that ridiculous price, I would suggest they ask for fingerprint proof along with the photo, because then they would really have something.

  • Obvious match…

    Ok, one nose is crooked or broken, the ears totally don’t match, but the hairline and unibrow are proof these two are homely sapiens…

  • Grumpa

    I believe he is a vampire because he really sucks.

  • Seamaerra

    The resemblance is uncanny, but there are differences, such as the ears and Smith’s obviously broken nose.

  • Jeffdem

    Yeah, something is a bit “off” with the face. Probably doctored. Good idea to make money though.

  • Ca2nyc1180

    My cousin looks just like him too. He gets stopped all the time with people asking him if he’s Nicholas Cage. It’s just a coincidence, no vampire in my opinion.

  • If it’s not ‘shopped his face is on crooked.

  • Bighag1

    Nicolas Cage is not a vampire. He is an overpaid actor with little talent. If he is a vampire, moviegoers in 2085 will be treated to “The Return of the Wicker Man”. Sitting through that one will be tough.

  • Anonymous

    Ears are different, dimple in the chin, nose looks like it had been broken, wider nostrils, I’m positive some moron will buy it.

  • Sandkoo

    the ears don’t match

  • stefano

    It is him !!!! The discrepancies in certain aspects like hairline etc. is due to the movie he was in “Faceoff”, they couldn’t get it put back exactly as it was……….

  • TwstdSstr

    Don’t be stupid!  Related, maybe!

  • Mrwednesday3495

    So become an actor and do better. Make millions and be a better actor. I’ll wait here until that happens. But hurry up I have things to do.

  • Ccballard

    Could be an ancestor…My niece looks a great deal like her 5x removed grandmother.

  • The IRS hopes it’s him…… They want more money from Nicholas no matter what his real name is. BTW – The REAL Bloodsuckers are the IRS and other government agencies that want more money from us….

  • Maybe your cousin is the vampire!

  • Red Pill Junkie

    Nice job? it’s terrible! One half of his head is looking to his right, and the other is facing the camera!


  • Ll5240

    I bet in a couple of months Cage will be in a vampire movie,

  • lck123

    That would be a feat. Lt. Robert Smith and G B Smith are the same person (

  • Anonymous

    Maybe the man in the old photograph is a distant relation of Cage. You know, like, on his mother’s side, twice removed, once vampired?

  • The29thtn

    This is nothing. Check out Lt. Col. Peyton Manning of the Confederate army

  • Spookchild

    So, just because this photo has a passing resemblance to someone alive today, the leap is made to that person being a VAMPIRE?

    This reminds me of the MU saying, “when in doubt–aliens”.

  • and if you needed more proof…

  • The29thtn

    don’t take it so seriously Spookchild.  The guy selling the picture is probably doing it for publicity.  Go with it for the fun.

  • Spookchild

    I hope that’s the case. I’d rather think someone was just being enterprising, as opposed to really making the jump to “vampire” because of a resemblance, LOL

  • Macleod

    In the end, there can be only one…

  • Duh, its someone from his family tree some where along the way. I’ve seen this sort of thing B4. An apartment building in my town I maintain has a picture of settlers from Wales, and there are 5 people in town that look identical to people in the picture that was taken in the late 1800s.

  • some people look like other people, it happens

  • Its PHOTOSHOPPED (shock – horror)

  • Googam

    You said  it, the ears are very different. In any case becoming a Hollywood actor is probably the worst way to keep ones secret life a secret.

  • VampireExpert

    hes clearly a vampire. hes been buying castles since his movie stardom began.

  • cindy

    nope, not him.  different ears.

  • Onlyfloyd17

    Wow, you “believers” are weird. The quotes along shows the intelligence level of many celeb freaks. He’s not a “vampire” and the ears alone proves it’s not him. He is Francis Ford Copalla’s nephew, but he’s a vampire?. Jeezus what’s wrong with you people?

  • Josey57

    Actually the old photo looks like the faces of two different people stitched together diagonally. That’s scary enough without the vampire thing

  • Espantovolador

    Lol and that Liutenant Robert Smith is the guy from the Cure? lol

  • Nick

    I’m a vampire and I find this offensive. We’re better looking than him!

  • J.Griffin

    Have you seen the original?
    Is there an original?
    Probably not.

  • Actors are ageless despite anything else.