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Leaked Footage of Terrifying New Boston Dynamics Robot

Given some of the chilling recent developments in artificial intelligence, it’s clear that we are no longer the most intelligent entities on the planet. It seems as though it’s more or less accepted that we’ll all be taken over by robots shortly and scientists are hurrying to create our new masters as fast as they can. All it’s going to take is to give an advanced robot a brain containing a powerful artificial intelligence system, and we’re all doomed. Doomed I say!

Doooooooooomed!

Doooooooooomed!

Ok, maybe I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but the writing is most certainly on the wall. AI will soon heavily influence or dictate all of our decisions and take over entire sectors of human activity. While frequent calls for universal income are made, it’s likely such measures won’t go far enough towards protecting the significance and relevance of human life once artificial intelligence systems become sufficiently advanced. While we’ve all been able to comfort ourselves with the knowledge that AIs are limited to computerized existences and most contemporary robots are clumsy, rudimentary designs limited to laboratory use, some new footage leaked by Google-owned advanced robotics lab Boston Dynamics is enough to make me want to grow a beard and take to the hills. Hermits are still a thing, right?

The new Boston Dynamics robot.

The new Boston Dynamics robot, “Handle.”

The robot is known as “Handle” and was shown off by Boston Dynamics’ founder Marc Raibert at a recent tech show. Raibert showed footage of the agile and terrifyingly quick robotic driving around on its two wheels like it owns the place. Maybe it already does…

Details about the new robot are scarce, although it’s clear from the leaked footage that Handle is an extremely mobile robot capable of traversing many different types of terrain. Raibert stated that Handle is an “experiment in combining wheels with legs, with a very dynamic system that is balancing itself all the time and has a lot of knowledge of how to throw its weight around.” Sounds perfect for throwing itself through my barricaded windows to enslave my family to toil in their robotic-controlled lithium mines. Gotta keep those batteries charged.

It’s a metaphor, see? Those cones Handle is jumping over represent human kind.

It’s a metaphor, see? Those cones Handle is jumping over represent humankind.